After The Penny Drops
by c8linWAH
Summary: AU Series 4 ending. SPOILER WARNING!
1. Chapter 1

**SERIES 4 SPOILERS**

"_Well I came down here for a bit of piece and quiet"_

John smiled at Anna. Not registering what Green had said. Then it clicked.

The night of the concert.

The night Anna was attacked.

He was going to kill him. His suspicions were confirmed. Green had left the concert, he'd been the only other person down in the servants hall aside from A-

A touch to his leg brought him out from his murderous thoughts. He looked to the left and met Anna's eye.

Instantly she knew he knew. The look in his eyes told her as much. She sent her own pleading look back but it had no effect. He was furious his jaw was tense and she could see the vein on his forehead twitching.

"Courtyard. Now." Was his raging whisper. Without a word to anyone he stood and left the table.

Anna caught Mrs Hughes' eye and giving a small smile gave her excuses and left quietly doing her best to avoid looking at the man across the table. She hurried down the corridor after her husband.

The chill in the air went unnoticed by him as he paced like a caged animal. He'd threw his cane to the ground with such force it was a wonder the piece of wood hadn't shattered to a thousand pieces. It took every ounce of control to keep himself together as Anna appeared at the door.

"It was him."

"John-"

"Don't." She looked down. "Don't deny it. He was down here...that night...I saw..." He was struggling to keep his voice steady. "I saw your face. I saw Mrs Hughes' face."

"Please John, calm down"

"You lied to me!" he exclaimed.

"I..I..."

John wasn't listening he was too consumed in his own rage. Every time he looked at Anna he envisioned what Green had done and every time he closed his eyes he saw the bastards face. He was a dead man.

"I'm going to end this. He's dead." With a feral look in his eye he headed for the back door.

In a panic Anna ran and barrelled into his chest. "NO!" Being without his cane John stumbled slightly holding on to her to stop them both from falling to the ground.

"Anna. Let go."

The tears were freely streaming down her face now. Out of terror and fear.

"John, please, don't."

"Anna after what he's done."

"what about me?"

"I'm doing this for you."

"When I've to see you dragged away cuffed through the servants hall again. And when i've to stand in court watching them sentence you to death again. When we share our final kiss. I've to say good bye and watch you hang." John looked up his own tears streaming. "Is that for me? Because if it is. I don't want it. Do you hear me John Bates? I know it and I don't want it."

"Anna, he-"

"I know. God knows I know what he did." Anna grabbed hold of his jacket. "But please...John...I don't know...I can't...John..." As the panic started to consume her she struggled to catch her breath.

Immediately john recognised the signs. Anna had become prone to panic attacks most commonly occurring at night when she woke up shaking and gasping for breath.

"Anna." He took one of her hands and placed it on his chest. "Look at me, Anna." Her terrified gaze met his, she continued to gasp. "Breathe with me." Eventually she managed to steady her breathing, and collapsed into him.

"They'll have finished eating now." His voice was devoid of emotion and Anna was scared to look at him.

"Anna!" It was Mrs Hughes. "Lady Mary rang."

"Coming!" She cursed herself for the weakness in her voice. John hadn't moved, his face like his voice held no emotion but Anna could see the fury in his eyes.

"John?"

He didn't look at her. "I wont touch him. We'll discuss it at home."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't keep Lady Mary waiting, we'll discuss it at home." and Anna felt like she'd been dismissed.


	2. Chapter 2

Anna was sure Lady Mary was trying to engage her in conversation but for the life of her she couldn't focus on what she was saying. Lady Mary, seeing how distracted her maid was, chose not to comment, she had unfortunately become used to the withdrawn Anna that now tended to her morning, noon and night.

At the bottom of the servants staircase Anna was met by Mrs Hughes. "Anna?"

Anna simply nodded, "He knows."

"Come through to my sitting room." Closing the door behind them Mrs a Hughes spoke first "Well?"

"I...I've never seen him so angry...he's going to kill him...and I don't...I can't..." Anna felt the familiar shortness of breath and the anxiety seep into her soul. She willed herself to calm down focusing on Mrs Hughes hand in hers.

"Anna, Mr Bates loves you very much he wouldn't risk-"

A sharp knock on the door cut her off and Anna flinched at the sound. Opening the door Mrs Hughes herself flinched at the sight of Mr Bates in the threshold. "Anna. I have your coat." Anna wilted, a look of utter dread filled her face. Had he been looking, Mrs Hughes was sure Mr Bates would see the emotional turmoil he was inflicting on his wife, yet she recognised a coldness in his eyes from the day she'd been forced to tell him the truth.

Anna took the jacket from his hand and followed him as he set off before Anna even had the time to fasten her buttons. "Goodnight Mrs Hughes"

"Anna..." What could she possibly say? "Goodnight." The young woman simply nodded her smile falling flat. Mrs Hughes watched the pair leave and raising her eyes to the heavens prayed god would allow them some happiness.

[x]

John unlocked the door to the cottage and stepped back allowing Anna to step in before him. He hadn't been able to look at her since she had left the courtyard every time seeing her face as she had denied that it was Green who had been her attacker. The rage inside was so consuming he felt numb with it.

Anna stood in the middle of their small sitting room unsure of what to do as John removed his hat and jacket.

"Tea?" She cursed herself for flinching as his voice cut through the oppressive silence.

"John I-"

"I think I'll have a cup, maybe see if we've any biscuits left." without another word he left he standing there.

Tears rushed to fill her eyes and she could feel her chin sensation had become all too familiar yet over the last few weeks she had worked through it by letting her emotions flow. Releasing her inner turmoil safe in the knowledge that John would be there to guide her through. Now she felt adrift once again. Cut off like she had in the beginning when he had no clue as to what had happened, her only anchor at that time had been knowing she was keeping him safe. This time she couldn't do that. He was angry and knowing his desire to murder and his capability too she was absolutely terrified. Determined not to let the emotions take over too soon she took deep, steadying breaths and made her way into the kitchen.

She found John sitting at the table nursing a glass of water rather than tea. Glancing round she could see no attempt had been made at tea making. John's face was unreadable he hadn't even looked up when she had entered. Unsure of herself she sat down across from him, tentatively she reached for his hand hoping to cling on to some sort of connection she could focus on repairing. However, as soon as her skin touched his he moved his hand away. She swallowed hard at the lump that immediately formed in her throat.

The oppressive silence continued to choke her, if he didn't say something soon she didn't know what she'd do. Still not looking her John stood and emptied the glass in to the sink. With his back to her he spoke.

"We could have gone to the police, if you'd have only told me." At this Anna snorted with a humourless laugh, the sound was so foreign coming from her that he turned. She'd stood and was now pacing the small kitchen.

"you want me to face him in court? Have him taunt me from across the room? Relive everything standing up in the docks? Listen as he twists everything back on me?"

"He can't get away with this Anna!" John argued.

"You know the police would do nothing. With only his word against mine I wouldn't stand a chance"

"So he goes unpunished, he hangs over us forever. Every time Lord Gillingham visits, every time we're in London, a constant, never getting away, never moving on, never forgetting. Is that our future Anna?"

"I...I don't know." She once again battled to keep the tears at bay. John stood at the window looking at her. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her. To hold her and tell her that all was fine. But it wasn't. The memory of Anna fervently denying the Green's involvement kept him rooted to his spot and the knowledge that the bastard was just a mile up the road kept his temper fired up.

"Have I been such a brute of a husband that you found it so hard to tell me what had happened? Even after, when you knew how still I felt about you? I told you I only loved you more. I asked you if it was him."

"You're a wonderful husband John, more than I deserve"

"But?"

"I knew you'd go after him." Anna said hopelessly.

"I said we'd have gone to the police."

A new emotion flared up. Anger. "Don't lie to me. You told me, in the restaurant, you told me you wanted to murder."

John turned away again, "He deserves to die."

"Then what?" Anna stood. "You kill him and everything goes back to the way it was before"

"I can't stand this Anna." They were both shouting now. "He sits up there with that smug grin on his face as if he's done nothing."

"I KNOW. " Anna screamed. John took a step back from her, in truth she had shocked herself but the anger coursing through fired her. She didn't know where it had come from but it had taken hold and she felt all the waves emotion she had been suppressing since the attack come pouring out of her. "Do you think I hadn't noticed how he joked through the meal! Did you not hear Jimmy asking me about Mr Greens wonderful life, whether I wanted a piece of it? Or were you too wrapped up in your need for revenge to notice me beside you."

"Anna, you're my wife." John shouted back defiantly.

Anna shook her head,"So that justifies you becoming a murderer? The murderer I fought so hard to prove you weren't."

"Perhaps you were wrong!" he shouted back and regretted his words instantly even before he felt the sharp sting across his left cheek. He lifted his hand to it in shock. Anna seemed shocked herself but her eyes held a fury that John had never seen before.

"How dare you?" Her voice was barely a whisper."How dare you have me spend years of my life fighting for you, defending you against everyone in that house? You're saying I endured all the vicious whispers and rumours for nothing. Don't make a fool of me by becoming the person I battled so hard to prove you weren't. If you want to go and kill him and become that person, I'm finished begging. But don't use me as an excuse because I'd rather give my life than watch you hang."

He didn't know what to say and found himself frozen as she brushed past him and ran upstairs. He felt his cheeks get wet as he heard their bedroom door slam. Finally he saw things from her perspective. He'd been nothing but a burden to her when he should have been the one person supporting her the best instead of adding to her load. With shame he now realised that since he had found out, Anna had spent more time bringing him out of the darkness when it should have been the opposite. Consumed by the need for vengeance he'd lost sight of himself. And with terrifying clarity he saw that in the process he may have also lost Anna.


End file.
